Marriage Isn't About Happiness. It's About ...
According to the most recent US Census and CDC statistics, marriage rates in the US are holding steady and divorce rates have actually been declining a little in recent years. Yet even with the decline, divorce rates are staggeringly high. As reported by the Modern Family Law group, “As of 2024, the U.S. divorce rate remains between 40% to 50% for first marriages … “
Further key statistics they report are:
- A marriage which ends in divorce lasts an average of only 8 yrs
- The likelihood of divorce increases with subsequent marriages, with around 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce, and it’s even worse for third marriages which boast a nearly 70% failure rate
- Gray divorce (divorce among adults 50 yrs and older) is on the rise
But on the up side, statistics bear out what we’ve known for a long time about the impact of faith on marriage and family:
“Religion can significantly impact marriage stability. According to Pew Research, individuals who regularly attend religious services are 14% less likely to divorce compared to those who do not. In contrast, those without any religious affiliation experience higher divorce rates, with around 50% of religiously unaffiliated marriages ending in divorce. Additionally, cultural attitudes towards divorce differ widely; for example, certain communities or religious groups may view divorce as a last resort, influencing both the likelihood of divorce and the stigma attached to it.”
Marriage is … HARD! It has never been intended to be entered into absent the presence of God and the practice of faith.
One internet blogger, Elizabeth Johnson, sums it up this way:
“The reason that marriage is hard is because it’s not about happiness; it’s about holiness. We enter marriage looking for the perfect love, but God uses marriage to perfect our love. It’s not about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person. It’s not about being served; it’s about serving.
"Let marriage be held in honor among all ..." (Hebrews 13:4, ESV).
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, ESV).
You Are Hereby Sentenced to Marriage Prison
"It may sound like a nightmare," reports Stephen McGrath of BBC Travel, 'but records show that this form of marriage counselling in Transylvania was rather effective."
He is speaking of the "marriage prison" housed within the walls of the 15th Century church in the heart of the "frozen in time" Transilvanian village of Biertan.
Inside the church grounds, along one of its fortification walls, is a small building with a room inside barely larger than a pantry. For 300 years, couples whose marriages were on the rocks would find themselves here, locked away for up to six weeks by the local bishop in hope that they would iron out their problems and avert a divorce. ...
The room has low ceilings and thick walls, and is sparsely equipped with a [single] table and [single] chair, a storage chest and a traditional Saxon bed that looks small enough to belong to a child. As couples attempted to repair their marriages inside this tiny space, everything had to be shared, from a single pillow and blanket to the lone table setting.
The prison room is today nothing more than a museum. But it remains, nonetheless, a testament to the many success stories fought for (now doubt!) and won within its walls.
“Thanks to this blessed building, in the 300 years that Biertan had the bishop’s seat we only had one divorce,” said Ulf Ziegler, Biertan’s current priest.
You can either choose to see your troubled marriage as a prison within which you feel trapped and seek to escape, or you can choose to "sentence" yourselves to the experiment of "marriage prison" — a spiritual place of commitment to shared experience and oneness, a place where "everything [has] to be shared," as God has intended.
Within the walls of that theoretical prison, you just might find an intimacy and a oneness that sets you free to experience all that marriage can be.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, ESV, cf. Matthew 19:2-9).
Half Of Nothing
Click here for a Good Morning America video of man who literally cuts everything in half to comply with a court order to give his wife half of everything.
Resent will rob itself in order to withhold from someone else. It isn’t satisfied until everyone has been cheated.
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up and causes you trouble, or many of you will become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).