You Are Hereby Sentenced to Marriage Prison
"It may sound like a nightmare," reports Stephen McGrath of BBC Travel, 'but records show that this form of marriage counselling in Transylvania was rather effective."
He is speaking of the "marriage prison" housed within the walls of the 15th Century church in the heart of the "frozen in time" Transilvanian village of Biertan.
Inside the church grounds, along one of its fortification walls, is a small building with a room inside barely larger than a pantry. For 300 years, couples whose marriages were on the rocks would find themselves here, locked away for up to six weeks by the local bishop in hope that they would iron out their problems and avert a divorce. ...
The room has low ceilings and thick walls, and is sparsely equipped with a [single] table and [single] chair, a storage chest and a traditional Saxon bed that looks small enough to belong to a child. As couples attempted to repair their marriages inside this tiny space, everything had to be shared, from a single pillow and blanket to the lone table setting.
The prison room is today nothing more than a museum. But it remains, nonetheless, a testament to the many success stories fought for (now doubt!) and won within its walls.
“Thanks to this blessed building, in the 300 years that Biertan had the bishop’s seat we only had one divorce,” said Ulf Ziegler, Biertan’s current priest.
You can either choose to see your troubled marriage as a prison within which you feel trapped and seek to escape, or you can choose to "sentence" yourselves to the experiment of "marriage prison" — a spiritual place of commitment to shared experience and oneness, a place where "everything [has] to be shared," as God has intended.
Within the walls of that theoretical prison, you just might find an intimacy and a oneness that sets you free to experience all that marriage can be.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, ESV, cf. Matthew 19:2-9).
It's a Wonderful Wife
A recent Facebook post takes a new look at an old classic:
I realized something while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" recently. It was something I missed the first 3,317 or so times I watched it. That is, I think the hero of the story isn't George, it's Mary.
The movie starts off with Mary praying for God to be with George. Her prayer (and others) is the catalyst for the angel, Clarence, being sent to George. Mary is the one who sees the beauty of the old broken down house. "It's full of romance, that old place." George sees empty space; Mary sees a space that can be filled with a family's love.
That's why George kisses the broken banister knob in the end; he finally sees what Mary always saw in that house. Mary saw it on the day of their wedding. She was the one who transformed the house into "honeymoon suite." Of course, that happened after she had the idea to offer her $2000 honeymoon money to the people of the town during the bank run. When George is depressed by his friends moving onward and upward in the world and think he's a disappointment to his wife because of it, Mary makes it clear that she "didn't want to marry anybody else in town." Never complaining, she worked "day after day remaking the old Granville house into a home." This while having 4 children and running the USO.
Finally, Mary is the one who goes all over town to ask for help for her husband. Uncle Billy remarks, "Mary did it, George! Mary did it!" I had never noticed her expression before when Uncle Billy says this. She's in the background as he says it, and she mouths "No..." while she shakes her head and moves further into the background. It's an incredibly subtle but important feature of her character: do good for others, but let others receive the credit. She moves fully into the background so that everyone giving money to George can come front and center. This was all orchestrated by Mary but she fades into the background.
Now look at the picture below where Mary is again in the background. Note where she's positioned: over George's shoulder. The one watching over George all these years was Mary. She was as much a guardian angel to George as Clarence was.
The post continues ...
In the end, George was a good man; even a great one. He was after all, "The richest man in town." But would he have accomplished all he did, and been the man he was without Mary? I think the answer is definitely not. And there are many such Marys in this world who quietly go about, offering their prayers, works, and sufferings; raising their children; praying for their husbands and making them 10x the men they would have been without them.
Most of their deeds won't be known this side of heaven. Until they're known, we, the Georges of this world, offer to you Marys our profound thank you. And we promise to keep trying to lasso the moon for you. You deserve nothing less.
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" (Proverbs 31:10-12, ESV).
Your Marriage Is An Air Filter (Seriously!)
Dust and airborne particles circulate throughout the rooms and ventilation systems of our homes unimpeded until they get to the air filter strategically located in the air handler of your a/c unit. That's where the junk is caught and hopefully dealt with, lest the system becomes clogged and fails.
Like airborne debris, your spiritual junk floats unimpeded through most of the airspace in your life, barely noticed at work, or in your community, or even among your friends and other family members. But there is no way it's getting past the most intimate of human relationships.
You can't hide your junk from your spouse! Your marriage is an air filter. It is a mechanism, strategically designed by God, intended to both serve and protect your spiritual life.
If there are issues in your spiritual life, they are sure to be "caught" in your marriage relationship.
Unresolved anger, selfishness, spiritual or emotional immaturity all "come home to roost." If you aren't who you should be at home, the filter is soon clogged and everything comes to a halt until the junk is dealt with. This is why, when there is real trouble, it is almost always felt in your marriage before it is detected anywhere else. Thus, your marriage is where you will most often be challenged to work on your junk.
Those who fail to understand this principle are inclined to see trouble in their marriage as proof that the marriage itself is the problem. This erroneous thinking leads some to conclude that the solution is to end the marriage — which is like blaming the filter itself for the clog.
Rather, you must learn to see the conflict in your marriage as a divine alarm, sounding off to warn you that your junk needs to be dealt with before you will be able to move forward toward becoming the person God has called you to be.
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28, NIV).
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, NIV).