A new study, the first large-scale longitudinal study of parent time (published April 2015 in the Journal of Marriage and Family) asks the question, “Do parents, especially mothers, spend enough time with their children?”
The Washington Post compares the results of the study to the “widespread cultural assumption that the time parents, particularly mothers, spend with children is key to ensuring a bright future.”
Their conclusion: The “new research upends that conventional wisdom and finds that that isn’t the case. At all.”
The study looked at the long term success outcomes (e.g., academic achievement, behavior, and emotional well-being) of children aged 3 to 11 in relation to the time they spent with their mothers.
Even though moms spend far more time with their children today than they did in the 1960s or 1970s (almost twice as much from 1975 to 2010—7.3 hours per week in 1975 compared to 13.7 hours in 2010), there seemed to be no substantial difference in the child’s overall success outcome.
In fact, quite to the contrary, the study found that a Mom’s time spent with her kids could actually be harmful if she was stressed or anxious. “Mothers’ stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly,” said co-author Kei Nomaguchi, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University.
The Proverbs 31 woman stands as an example of a working mom who operated vineyards, sewed clothing, and looked after all the needs of her household, all while raising a family. Like the modern mother, her days were long and her time was precious. For the mother who strives to be the best wife and mother she can be, these pressures just can't be avoided. But there is one burden that every mother would do well to unload.
If this study calls moms to anything, it’s to stop bearing the weight of unrealistic expectations and guilt. Work when you must, nurture whenever and however you can. But DON’T punish yourself for not being able to do it all! It’s the anxiety, the lack of trust in God's sovereign care, that will cause the most harm to you and to your children.
It's good for them to see more of you, so long as more time means they see more of your faith.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
“BE STILL and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
“Most human beings get about 75 years of existence,” observes Henry Blodget for BUSINESS INSIDER:
That's about 3,900 weeks. Or 27,000 days. Or 648,000 hours.
We spend about a third of those hours sleeping, a number that hasn't changed much over the centuries.
What has changed is what we do with the remaining time. …
There are 168 hours in a week. 56 go to sleeping, which leaves 112 for everything else.
150 years ago, we spent about 70 of those 112 waking hours working.
Thanks to the remarkable productivity enhancements we have made over the past 150 years, the average workweek in most countries has dropped by about 30 hours …
“So what do we humans do with all the extra hours our miraculous progress and productivity enhancements have allowed us to create for ourselves?” he asks. “We spend them watching television.”
According to the most recent international data, the average person in developed nations spends 4 hours each day (28 hours per week!) watching TV.* It would seem that we use some 93% of our new found freedom from labor on the passive absorption of mostly mindless media.
*Data Source: Mediametrie, Eurodata TV Worldwide
What we have done with this modern gift is reminiscent of the story that Jesus told of the man who buried the treasure his master had entrusted to him.
“Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
“But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it'" (Matthew 25:24-27, NLT).
"Though even thinking on the subject of time may prove discomforting, it is not a bad idea—especially at the beginning of a new year," says devotional writer Stephen B. Cloud:
As we look into the new year we look at a block of time. We see 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds. And all is a gift from God. We have done nothing to deserve it, earn it, or purchased it. Like the air we breathe, time comes to us as a part of life.
The gift of time is not ours alone. It is given equally to each person. Rich and poor, educated and ignorant, strong and weak—every man, woman and child has the same twenty-four hours every day.
Another important thing about time is that you cannot stop it. There is no way to slow it down, turn it off, or adjust it. Time marches on.
And you cannot bring back time. Once it is gone, it is gone. Yesterday is lost forever. If yesterday is lost, tomorrow is uncertain. We may look ahead at a full year’s block of time, but we really have no guarantee that we will experience any of it."
"Obviously," Cloud concludes, "time is one of our most precious possessions. We can waste it. We can worry over it. We can spend it on ourselves. Or, as good stewards, we can invest it in the kingdom of God.
"The new year is full of time. As the seconds tick away, will you be tossing time out the window, or will you make every minute count?"
"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil" (Ephesians 5:15-16).